I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
