Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize