my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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