Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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