ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
