see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
