Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
