I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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