Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
