my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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