There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
