also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
honey bunches of taint.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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