I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
