I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
