the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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