Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
