I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize