he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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