I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
