Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
