We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
