do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
