You made me cry and you don't even care
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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