By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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