theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
