Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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