I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
