It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's like iHOP with fire
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
