I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i've created a new STD.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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