grandma shit on top of the toilet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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