omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
