I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's like iHOP with fire
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize