I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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