Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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