My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
