do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
