Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
