And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
