just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The adults are the big ones right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
