He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize