I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dear god my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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