Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
