After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
