I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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