This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
