he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
