he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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