And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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