I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
