You smell like a Billy Joel song
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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