He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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