I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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