somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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