I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
