Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mom said you looked used
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
