My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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