VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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