so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
