I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
