so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
