you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
