I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I lost the right to judge tonight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
