This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
