i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
