I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have fence marks all over my body
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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