I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
