I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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