What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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