Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
