areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
