I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
