the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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