i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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