if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
