I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
