It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
