well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
