I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
