I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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