she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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