So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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