thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
