I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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