so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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