I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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