you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
