dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
