Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize