i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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