what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
