Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
