I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
