I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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