Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
