Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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