Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
