I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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