p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
