I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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