Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
