and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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