My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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