mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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