ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
