he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
