I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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