Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
