He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
