If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
